Defeated

Today, I feel defeated. Today, I feel the path that I’ve been walking on so narrowly has been the wrong one all along. Today, I feel like I have failed.
 

And it’s strange to sit here with this feeling. Ironic, really, to feel this way when I’m on the verge of getting my MBA, when I’m working for an iconic international company, when I’m so close to closing on my first home… It’s strange to feel like I’ve done nothing with my life when others have told me I’ve done so much so far. But let me be honest, friends. The truth is, no matter how many steps I take climbing the corporate ladder, I continue to stand in place every time an accomplishment reminds of me of just how little I’ve actually lived. I mean, to really LIVE—to contribute some way to the happiness of others; to see parts of the world that isn’t infested with violence or tourism; to take more breaks in the day without clock-watching. To live. That sure isn’t what I’m doing by spending all day in a cubicle and in meetings arguing with others about the best way to increase the bottom line. I failed at living today. Today, I failed more so than on other days.
 

And it’s sad to put these thoughts into writing because after I save these words, I’ll continue on with life as usual. Nothing changes.