Life is Not a Korean Drama

I’m hooked on Korean dramas. It’s addictive—no, it’s beyond that! What is the name for something that interrupts your life, that makes all things in reality seem pale in comparison, that makes you break all existing relationships and forgo all responsibilities? Did I just describe crack? Well, friends, crack is whack, so it’s only appropriate that I warn you about the dangers of enjoying this pastime.
 

If you’re hooked on Korean dramas, you are setting yourself up for an endless string of disappointments. Once you turn off the screen, you’ll realize how different real life is compared to the perfectly timed and perfectly scripted plot of a Korean drama. If you’re in the early stages of this addiction, there is still hope for you as long as you study and memorize the fundamentals below:
 

1. In real life, you can’t beat people into submission over time with your annoying quirks. A bubbly personality is cute, but when it’s mixed with clumsiness, persistence, and stupidity, the cuteness fades quickly. And yet, the men in Korean dramas always fall for the slow-witted, accident-proned females after a few long episodes of watching her irritate the male lead in every way imaginable.
2. In real life, no one really has that flawless, milky complexion. Just repeat this as often as you can. Trust me, it’ll make you feel a lot better.
3. In real life, humans do not heal that quickly. Yes, in Korean dramas, you can get the crap beaten out of you or ran over by a bus and the most you’ll need is a small band-aid in a not-so-prominent place. To top if off, you heal with super human speed and your pretty face returns back to that flawless complexion the next day. [Repeat the second fundamental here.]
4. In real life, you cannot teleport. You cannot jump countries and make it back in time for dinner within the same hour.
5. In real life, you can’t be that happy for the other person’s win. Why is it that Korean dramas must always have a happy ending for everyone involved in the love triangle? For most of the entire series, I’ve watched the character toss and turn in agony over losing his love to another man, and yet, he recovers in the last couple episodes because she has now found true happiness with someone else. Pah-leaze!
6. In real life, the timing is never perfect. No, you can’t expect that someone will find you every time you’re crying to console you. You can’t expect that your hero will show up every time you’re in danger. And you definitely cannot expect your true love to confess their feelings one minute before you leave the country or before you say “I do.”
7. In real life, people use doors! Apparently, people in Korea don’t utilize doors. They leave them open as they’re doing something suspicious so that a person casually walking by can catch them in the act. Doors are your friends, people; please use them.

I hope this helps you deal with your addiction to Korean dramas. Better yet, let’s prevent this addiction from even starting; please use all the manpower you have to avoid the following series: