Defeated
Today, I feel defeated. Today, I feel the path that I’ve been walking on so narrowly has been the wrong one all along. Today, I feel like I have failed.
And it’s strange to sit here with this feeling. Ironic, really, to feel this way when I’m on the verge of getting my MBA, when I’m working for an iconic international company, when I’m so close to closing on my first home… It’s strange to feel like I’ve done nothing with my life when others have told me I’ve done so much so far. But let me be honest, friends. The truth is, no matter how many steps I take climbing the corporate ladder, I continue to stand in place every time an accomplishment reminds of me of just how little I’ve actually lived. I mean, to really LIVE—to contribute some way to the happiness of others; to see parts of the world that isn’t infested with violence or tourism; to take more breaks in the day without clock-watching. To live. That sure isn’t what I’m doing by spending all day in a cubicle and in meetings arguing with others about the best way to increase the bottom line. I failed at living today. Today, I failed more so than on other days.
And it’s sad to put these thoughts into writing because after I save these words, I’ll continue on with life as usual. Nothing changes.
My Poor, Poor Screenplay
Dear Gina’s Pet Project, “The One You’re With”:
I’m so sorry for neglecting you. This guilt of you placing you second to everything in my life (like my job, my school work, my soon-to-be-husband, sleeping, and eating) has consumed me. Although I’m wrenched with guilt, somehow I still haven’t managed to give you any time.
I like to believe that this will just make you stronger in the long run. I have a feeling you’ll be the best thing I’ll ever write. Be patient, be strong.
- Gina
Life is Not a Korean Drama
I’m hooked on Korean dramas. It’s addictive—no, it’s beyond that! What is the name for something that interrupts your life, that makes all things in reality seem pale in comparison, that makes you break all existing relationships and forgo all responsibilities? Did I just describe crack? Well, friends, crack is whack, so it’s only appropriate that I warn you about the dangers of enjoying this pastime.
If you’re hooked on Korean dramas, you are setting yourself up for an endless string of disappointments. Once you turn off the screen, you’ll realize how different real life is compared to the perfectly timed and perfectly scripted plot of a Korean drama. If you’re in the early stages of this addiction, there is still hope for you as long as you study and memorize the fundamentals below:
- In real life, you can’t beat people into submission over time with your annoying quirks. A bubbly personality is cute, but when it’s mixed with clumsiness, persistence, and stupidity, the cuteness fades quickly. And yet, the men in Korean dramas always fall for the slow-witted, accident-proned females after a few long episodes of watching her irritate the male lead in every way imaginable.
- In real life, no one really has that flawless, milky complexion. Just repeat this as often as you can. Trust me, it’ll make you feel a lot better.
- In real life, humans do not heal that quickly. Yes, in Korean dramas, you can get the crap beaten out of you or ran over by a bus and the most you’ll need is a small band-aid in a not-so-prominent place. To top if off, you heal with super human speed and your pretty face returns back to that flawless complexion the next day. [Repeat the second fundamental here.]
- In real life, you cannot teleport. You cannot jump countries and make it back in time for dinner within the same hour.
- In real life, you can’t be that happy for the other person’s win. Why is it that Korean dramas must always have a happy ending for everyone involved in the love triangle? For most of the entire series, I’ve watched the character toss and turn in agony over losing his love to another man, and yet, he recovers in the last couple episodes because she has now found true happiness with someone else. Pah-leaze!
- In real life, the timing is never perfect. No, you can’t expect that someone will find you every time you’re crying to console you. You can’t expect that your hero will show up every time you’re in danger. And you definitely cannot expect your true love to confess their feelings one minute before you leave the country or before you say “I do.”
- In real life, people use doors! Apparently, people in Korea don’t utilize doors. They leave them open as they’re doing something suspicious so that a person casually walking by can catch them in the act. Doors are your friends, people; please use them.
I hope this helps you deal with your addiction to Korean dramas. Better yet, let’s prevent this addiction from even starting; please use all the manpower you have to avoid the following series:
You're Beautiful
Playful Kiss
Marry Me, Mary!
Boys Before Flowers
It’s Better If You Don’t Understand
I don’t read or watch the news. I like to stay informed about what’s happening in the world, but with every news flash and every special report, I keep getting informed about things I’d rather know nothing about. I’m sadden—and disgusted—with the endless headlines about sexual abuse, political warfare, government corruption, and of course, the down-spiraling state of the economy. Although I won’t debate which evil is worse than the other, it’s the subject of sexual abuse that disheartens me the most. There’s no need for me to retell the stories of abuse that has been in the news lately; the endless string of cases involving minors is more than any person should have to hear in a lifetime (and into the next).
It occurred to me today why I’ve been spending so much time working on my screenplays and daydreaming about non-existent characters. Reality is driving me to away from all things real because all things real are too ugly—ironically, too unimaginable. The things people are capable of doing is not anything I’d even dare to make up.
Next time someone tells me to get my heads out of the clouds, I hope they understand that the things going on inside my head aren’t half as creative as what’s going on in the real world. In this particular case, creativity scares the sh*t out of me.
Love and Other Drugs
The wait is over! The highly anticipated new movie from Jake Gyllenhaal (highly anticipated in my world, at least) came out today and, of course, I rushed to go see it.
Jake plays a charming, careless pharmaceutical rep who falls for Anne Hathaway’s character, Maggie, a young victim of Parkinson’s disease. Their initial encounter is quite original: he pretends to be medical intern which granted him full view of Maggie’s breasts during an examination by her doctor. A genius start to a loving relationship. However, the rest of their love story follows the worn-out script of many past romantic movies. All of the familiar elements are there: the resistance to fall in love; her blasé attitude towards intimacy; his relentless pursuit of her; her pushing him away; and, my favorite, the big chase scene in the end where he tries to win her back by professing his unfaltering love all in one fell swoop.
Although viewers will root for the two to overcome their relationship challenges and to have Love prevail over all, Jamie’s deep devotion to Maggie comes across as unjustified, and consequently, unconvincing. Besides her being the only woman in his life to ever reject him (and besides the fact that these two actors make a painfully attractive couple), the movie does not offer more grounded reasons for Jamie to choose to be with someone whose illness will undoubtedly lead to a rough road ahead. This is especially missing considering Jamie was a bona fide playboy just a couple scenes back.
Regardless of the overly used love story, Love and Other Drugs redeems itself when it came to the other prevailing topics: Big Pharma and health insurance. One of the most notable scenes in the movie is when Maggie’s doctor asks her if she has health insurance, and she shows him a wad of cash instead. Maggie’s mission to bus senior citizens to Canada also adds an obvious commentary to the health insurance issue. And then there’s Jake—my beautiful Jake—who brilliantly displays the ass-kissing world of pharmaceutical sales and reveals the troubling relationship between Big Pharma and medical doctors.
Bottom Line: The movie should have been called OTHER DRUGS and Love.
Children of Invention
Children of Invention tells the story of a mother raising two young kids on her own. When she gets arrested for being entangled in a pyramid scheme, her pragmatic children come up with an ingenious way to take care of themselves as they wait their mother’s return. The movie starts out slow as it lays out the background info for its viewers, but the build up is part of why the second half becomes so emotionally charged. The turning point in the movie—and no one will be able to miss it—is a guaranteed tearjerker.
Although the children takes center stage for most of the movie, the mother’s story—and her resilience—is undeniable. Both sides of the coin are shown exceptionally well: the mother’s struggle to provide a stable home and the forced-upon maturity of the children.
Bottom Line: It’ll make you miss your mother.
Arrested Development, The Movie
Bring Back the Bluths!
I cannot wait any longer!
It’s been official for some time now that the screenplay is in the works and that most of the original cast members from the beloved TV show will sign on to reprise their roles.
First it was rumored to be released in 2011; now it’s slated for 2012. Oh, c’mon! I’ve been waiting since 2009! So I know that it’s only 2010 and I’ve only been waiting for less than a year, but considering the show ended in 2006, the studios should give the fans what they want, and give it to them now.
All I’m saying is that they need to hurry up before Michael Cera becomes an even bigger star than he is now and changes his mind about the whole project. If this movie gets pushed back any further, we may never get to witness its magnificence on the big screen since we’ll all be dead after 2012. I’m just saying…
Asian Girls, White Guys
We’ve all seen them: small Asian girls with white guys. Some of us pay them no mind; some of us roll our eyes at what seems like walking proof that the white man is stealing all the women in the world. For every Asian-girl-white-guy couple out there, one more Asian brother is now without a woman.
I completely understand the sentiment. Although I’m able to empathize with Asian men who have to witness this pairing time and time again, I’m unable to see things from the perspective of the Asian woman who refuses to date within her own race.
Let me make it clear that I am by no means frowning upon interracial relationships—you can’t help who you’re attracted to. (Plus, have you seen multiracial children? They’re gorgeous!). I’m writing specifically about Asian woman who won’t give Asian men the time of day, no matter how good-looking, how educated, or even how wealthy he may be. If he’s Asian, he’s out. There lies a troubling sense of rejection, and if I find this disturbing as an Asian woman, I can only imagine how this mentality affects my Asian male counterparts.
The only legitimate excuse I’ve heard from an Asian woman as to why she refuses to date other Asian men comes from my dear friend, who so eloquently puts it like this:
“I don’t want to deal with a mother-in-law who is anything like my own mother.”
This is, by far, the best and the only excuse I’ll ever accept. (For those who can’t relate, Asian mothers are crazy. Please don’t try to debate me on this; I speak from 25 years of experience). This explanation is legit to me; anything other than that just seems like a slap in the face of all my Asian bros out there.
Why the adamant refusal to be with someone who shares your culture, your ethnic looks, your language, your values…need I go on? In fact, it makes more sense to bond with those you share so many similarities with, so why this rejection of your own race? Just imagine telling your father that you don’t see how your mother could have ever chosen him, or telling your single brother that Asian men are not datable. Ouch.
To all of my Asian bros out there: I hear ya. To all the Asian ladies who rule out dating Asian men entirely: why the hate?
My Kids Might Be Ugly
My brother’s children are beautiful. I know this is what every aunt should say of their kin, but mine are particularly beautiful. My nephew is turning 10 this year and he’s already got the makings of a heartbreaker.
And then there’s my sister’s kid and, well, his face just screams Baby Gap commercials.
So I started thinking: if 3 out of 3 of my sibling’s children came out pretty, what are the chances that I’ll spawn something that looks anything like human? My older siblings totally did me wrong; they went ahead and populated the world before I could and in doing so, nabbed all the good genes for themselves. (Yes, that is my understanding of how genetics work).
But I got news for them! I strongly believe in nurture vs. nature. So, while they can tout their children’s pretty faces to society, my genetically disadvantaged children will be groomed to take over the world…problem solved.
Inspiration in an Unlikely Place
I’m usually very predictable. My every reaction, every thought, every move is all part of a boring and expected script that God-knows-who has written to void me a life of surprises and wonder. (Okay, maybe that was a bit too dramatic). My point is that “impromptu” is not a part of my world; I have my box and I’m perfectly fine staying within it.
Let me take a step back and preface this blog post more appropriately. You see, as an American 20-something-year-old who has watched her fair share of Hollywood movies, my list of the most beautiful people includes the likes of Jake Gyllenhaal and, the most recently added, Robert Pattinson. So, imagine my surprise when I’m watching The Warlords, and I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of “Little Brother” in the movie. Who is that man? Instinctively, I went on a Google stalking mission and, friends, my life has since then changed.
Enter: Takeshi Kaneshiro.
Wikipedia has taught me that Takeshi Kaneshiro is a major Asian movie star (and that he’s 5′10 and speaks 4 languages fluently—you know, the important stuff). I know you’re wondering where I’m going with this, and I promise there’s a point here. Until this moment, which was about a week ago, I’ve never idolized or even came close to admiring an Asian celebrity. Not that I wasn’t looking, but my options were quite limited. I had my choices of martial artists-turned-actors, or beautiful–yet, terrible–actresses who mostly fulfilled jail bait roles in cheesy action movies. I’ve passed on all of them. Then, this unfamiliar face pops up in a surprisingly good Jet Li movie and—just like that—my dear Jake Gyllenhaal gets dethroned.
Youtube has taught me that Takeshi Kaneshiro is an eloquent speaker during his interviews, even when he’s struggling with the English language. It went on to teach me that he has no desire to ever become a star in Hollywood and has turned down roles for the very same reasons why I’ve never had an Asian idol. How sad is that? I don’t know how else to say it, but I’ve never been more inspired to write, and to write well. This isn’t just an attempt to lure this beautiful man into coming to the states; it’s an honest desire to produce better material for Asian actors, American or overseas. I never thought I’d go down this route, but I think I found my niche. Takeshi Kaneshiro, my unlikely muse.
So there you have it. Mr. Kaneshiro, I will soon have a screenplay that will make use of your acting chops and your lovely face. Please don’t rule out Hollywood entirely.
House of Flying Dagggers
The Warlords
Red Cliff
Perhaps Love
You are so welcome for the pictures.